Saturday, September 5, 2009

Inside My Head

Inside my head is an unusual world. I think of things that I believe that no one else would ever know. But I'm sure others have their own lonely thought that will never reach another human. What I am sure of is the part of who we are that we share with others.

It's the things that we say out loud that betray what is in our mind. For good & for bad! I'm of the opinion that what we show on the outside probably often tells only of our current emotions, which pass with the next thought. What people hear me say is not really what happens in my head. I think of all the times at work when I've looked at someone who just said something that hurt me, as I brush it off on the outside and move on. I don't forget, and the words often come back later for me to examine in my real world that resides in my head.

But what happens when someone else connects with you, and understands what is in your head without you saying a word. That is the experience that I have with my husband. He just knows, he gets it. We communicate in ways that I never thought possible. I think this knowledge comes from living together for almost 10 years (or is it nine?). I know he catches the fleeting glances that betray what really is inside my head. He catches the nuances of the days when I don't quite feel well, or the days that I wake up cheerful (rarely happens, not a morning person). He knows not to talk to me until I'm dressed and prepared for the world.

Today is my husband's birthday (he's almost sixty, you know?). Private joke. LOL.

I asked him tonight at our Birthday Dinner, how old he thought that we would get to be in this lifetime. He guessed that we would live into our 80's, and that would be wonderful, but I want to live to 100. I just want to hit three digits. The one thing that I know, however, is that our love is timeless. Simply because he understands what really lives inside my head, without my ever saying a single word. Happy Birthday, Greg!

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Watching the World Go By

It's midday, I've finished a lunch. I left my office to get away for a few minutes to remove myself from the hectic pace. Today, as I do often, I drove to the local library for some quiet time. I love my library. I can sit here totally alone in a comfortable chair and look out a beautiful big window. This little area is perched on the second floor and overlooks a street coming out of downtown St. Cloud, MN. Sitting on this corner, I can see the American Red Cross, HRA, a few older homes, and Denny's Shoe Repair. A gray lady walks down the street carrying her bag at a snail's pace. On the other side, a Somali woman strolls to the library entrance. Cars pass on the journey to ....wherever. Another young fellow is walking across the intersection with what appears to be a box of donuts or another bakery treat for someone.

I sometimes sit in this spot and just watch. I catch myself wondering who these individuals are and where they might be going. I wonder about the journey that brought them to this instant, and wonder if they know that they have played some ever so tiny role in my pleasure of watching the world pass by.

Today, I muse on the life of the Somali woman. Coming from a culture that is so far removed from the rather homogenous background of Saint Cloud, I think that her life may be difficult. Did she come here for opportunity? Was her family able to come with her? How does she survive in a culture so foreign to our existance? I just moved here from Texas a few years ago, and find this place foreign; I can only imagine the culture shock for her.

I also watch the cars driving by and wonder about the destinations. I ask myself why are they all in such a hurry. That's why I come here, to sit and not be hurried. I need a space in my day that is not filled. I need a spot where I can reflect no matter how mundane the thoughts. I like finding the most remote section of the library, and simply sit. Occasionally, my spot is interupted by a person or two strolling the stacks, but overall I'm alone. Alone and yet not really alone as I watch my friends, that I have not yet met wander through my life. I hope they know that I am enriched by their simple presence.